Yours Truly, Hisoka
by Cherrie
Summary: Hisoka writes Illumi a letter right after the Hunter Exam. (one-shot, yaoi/non-yaoi, depends on the reader) I'm currently being barraged by my muse with inspirations ^^;


**Disclaimer:** Hunter X Hunter is owned by Mr. Yoshihiro Togashi. The story behind this letter is completely fictional, a result of sleepless nights and countless minutes spent under the warmth of a midnight shower ^^;

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**YOURS TRULY, HISOKA  
by: Cherrie  
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[A letter laid open in the dark table of Illumi Zoldick's room, crumpled and almost torn in half...]

Illumi,

This is it. We've passed the Hunter Exam, thus beginning the signal of our intended separation. I'll be damned if I say I'm happy about it, but we both have our own reasons. It's been a long while, and to be honest, I somehow forgot how we came up with this arrangement. But this letter isn't anything near to trying to say that I'm taking back the words I've left you before, this letter will merely conclude the finality of our agreement. I'm writing this to help me remember the time I've spent with you, and perhaps, through this, they will flow out one by one, so it would be easier for me to throw them out.

How long has it been? Three...what, four years? It's a miracle how you hid such a thing from your family for so long. I remember the time you gave that lecture to your brother, telling him of forbidden things that you yourself have committed through these years. Keeping a reflection of yourself behind everybody's back, a companion that you've somehow found in me...I never intended to ask you about the purpose of your keeping me, and I'm still not planning to ask now. And from what it looks like, you don't seem interested to ask me the same thing yourself.

But it wouldn't make any difference, I'll tell you anyway. Remember the first time we've met? I was supposed to be a part of your mission. But in the midst of our little face-off, right when I was actually enjoying your strength and wit and the cold-blooded murder spelled in your eyes, you stopped. You told me it was a waste of time. The battle was concluded a tie, without my consent. To be honest, you could've won that time. But then again, I also had my chance. If only you stayed a while longer, we could've seen the result of our own strengths.

A year passed before I met you again. In the upper floors in the Sky Arena, I've heard of a mysterious, dark-haired young man with skin of dead-white and eyes that were mere pools of ink black. You've practically scared the hell out of everybody. I heard you've killed more than half of your opponents? I was grinning all the way to the registrar's window, wondering why you just didn't kill them all. It wouldn't have been difficult for someone like you.

The look of mild surprise and recognition on your face when you were finally faced with me was priceless. Not only did you remember me, but the small smirk that crossed you after a moment of understanding had been plainly exhilarating. I forgot who won in that battle though. I doubt we were even keeping tally of our scores. Were you? All I can remember was that it ended with both of us covered in our own sweat and blood, running out of breaths, glaring daggers at each other.

And then...we both laughed, you with your quiet chuckle, and me with my loud, excited laughter.

That was a peculiar way of meeting somebody, don't you think? It took me almost half a year to gain your trust. No wait, is that the right term to use? Well, the fact that you always let me know which hotel you're staying in kind of gave me the idea. But then again, it could've been just a show of your own confidence that I can never do you harm. Whatever it was, it really doesn't matter. During those early years, all I was thinking was how wonderful it was to have someone like you to play with, but why I kept you for so long without getting tired of you always remained a mystery even to me.

Oh, have I mentioned that to you before? The usual span that a person can keep my attention is...one year or less. Gon, that friend of your brat for a brother, will be an exception, he has to grow strong for me. It's not everyday that I find a kid whom I'll want, but I assure you that when the time comes, he wouldn't last even a month when I finally turn serious. And about the leader of Geneiryodan that I've mentioned to you countless of times before, well, I just can't find the right opportunity alone with him. But believe me, I want to be out of his damned authority as quickly as possible.

The whole point in telling you that is for you to know how different you are to everyone else I've met. The thing is, once I turn serious in fighting a person, all the time that I've spent following him will be ended in that battle. Of course, the fact that all of the previous ones I took a liking to always ending up dead is beside the point. But even if I can't kill you, I expected to at least forget about you since you never really looked like the type who'd kill just for the sake of it, unlike those morons I've encountered looking for revenge and a proof of their strength. You just don't care about those kinds of things. To quote you, you're far too busy to meddle with such childish things.

Thus, the questions that I've kept to myself about you somehow triggered something in my mind. I've spent all my life alone, and I liked it that way. But then...how come, all of a sudden, I'm looking for your company?

All these times, I refused to call you a friend. Whenever I ask for a favor from you, I always make it a point to pay you for your services, even if I know that I can get away without having to hand you anything in return. It isn't because I'm grateful. Well, yes, of course I'm grateful, but that isn't the main reason. I pay you to show myself that nothing has come between us that may show our closeness. I am nothing to you, and neither are you anything to me. A mere acquaintance, somebody I know.

I'll be honest. You're ruining my life, and I want to be rid of you, to show the world that I still am Hisoka, the same one who walks this Earth without a thought to bother him, no connections, no weaknesses. I refuse to admit that everything that I have grown up in, everything I've set upon myself, have all been crushed down by a person such as you. I refuse to accept you.

You insult me, the way you still remain passive and cold when I'm beginning to be this anxious, confounded fool looming over such a stupid thing such as this. The very idea irritates me, and even if it takes my all, I will move myself away from you lest you drive me mad. I don't know what you are to me. And something inside me tells me that I wouldn't want to know.

This will be a simple request that I'll ask of you. Stay away from me. If ever I will come to you, rest assured that it's because I am desperate and will be needing your paid services. This is selfish, I know, but I never really am the type who would be giving. And it's enough that you hear me say these things, even just through writing. I do NOT sound like myself, and that as well pisses me off. You're the very thing that makes me forget who I am.

I don't know if this matters to you though. You know where I'll be. I'll be following Gon for now, and through him, I intend to forget my fondness of you. Thank you for your time, thank you for the companionship. But it is your very company that I started to hate. All these years, we're both still in a battle, fighting for who will fall first. Are you satisfied?

You won.

Yours truly,   
Hisoka 


End file.
